week 10 blog 2

              The discussion in class yesterday really hit a nerve for me.  The topic of existential frustration hit hard for me because I feel like I am experiencing it firsthand right now.  For a long time now, I haven’t really been able to figure out what makes my life meaningful.  I don’t have a really well defined sense of who I am, and the more I try to figure it out, the more lost I become.   It’s a struggle I face every day.  Who am i?  Why am I here?  What is my life’s meaning?  What if I never find it? What then? Will I just fade away into nothingness and a deep depression?  I’m honestly scared of what happens after college.  I feel like I’m stuck in the existential vacuum.  For a while I was really passionate about music, but that door shut right as I was getting rolling on making it my life.  Ever since then, I feel like life is pointless and hopeless.  I lack a true, driving passion that makes life worthwhile.  And in the absence of this passion, I find only depression and dark thoughts.  And these thoughts scare me.  One of the quotes form Frankl that the group used really hit me like a ton of bricks.  “No instinct tells him what he has to do, and tradition what he ought to do, sometimes he does not even know what he wishes to do.”  This quote really reflected what I’ve been going through for a while, and after I read it I had trouble holding back the depression that I carry with me.  But, the idea that it is able to be overcome, keeps me pushing onward.  I am determined, now, to search and find my meaning in life, whether or not it comes to me soon, I know that it’s out there.